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Are you one of those folks who stereotypes the US South as the country’s region for boxed wine, big trucks, and buck teeth?  If you are, and you like feeling that way, please stop here.

US Map of the Modern South from Wikipedia

I’ve included a map of what Wikipedia considers “The US South” for consideration.  If you’d like to exclude the “stripey states” from consideration, be my guest.  You have a point.

LARGE SOUTHERN CITIES:  As of 2007, twenty of the fifty largest cities in the US, or forty percent, are in the US South.  In spite of the stereotype of dirt roads and dust devils, thirty-eight percent of the US population lives in the US South.

THE SOUTHERN DIALECT: Twangy and delicious, mellow and metered, the distinct accent of the US South is often the butt of jokes from those who were not blessed with same. Often comedians and comedian wannabees attempt to execute a southern accent when portraying a character of dim wit. I believe that I speak for a significant number of US Southern citizens when I say that nothing hurts my ears more than a person from another part of our wonderful country attempting to mimick a southern accent. It’s like playing “Free Bird” on a kazoo.

The southern dialect is the most modern of major American dialects, influenced some by the French and to a much larger degree by Western Africans brought to America in the slave trade and forced to speak English. The amazing adaptability of the Western Africans also blessed the whole country (eventually) with new terms that became part of the National Vernacular:

• Bug (bogu); to annoy.
• Dig (degu); to understand.
• Tote (tota);  to carry.
• Hip (hepicat) to have heightened awareness.  (Link)

The fact is that the rich dialect of the south delivered in its moden accent has made many contributions to the country at large.

OCEANFRONT PROPERTY:  The US South is well known for its desirable spots for travel, vacationing, retirement, and relocation.  Many folks from the rest of the country and the rest of the world make regular (and sometimes permanent) journeys to the US South to enjoy the historically and culturally rich cities.  Charleston SC, Richmond, VA,  Memphis and Nashville TN, New Orleans LA, Austin TX, Louisville KY, Miami FL, Mobile AL are a scant representative list.  The US South boasts many of the United States’ most desired vacation spots;  Myrtle Beach, Bourbon Street, the NC Outer Banks, and Orlando FL is a short excerpt from a long list of amazing vacation attractions in the US South.   Not only that, but the US South offers many unique beach experiences, including pristine NC Islands, party hot spots like Myrtle Beach and Daytona, and rare experinces like the Mobile Bay Jubilee.  The US South has more coastland than the rest of the Continental United States COMBINED.

 NOT WHAT YOU THINK:  I’ve lived in the US South all of my life.  I was raised in Richlands VA, a small town, supported by local coal mines, that takes its high school football seriously enough to equip the football field with artificial turf.  I have lived in Charlotte NC since 1989. I base the following opinion not on who I am, but what I have experienced first-hand all my life:  People of the US South, along with all of their other endearing qualities, are smart, well-equipped, forward-thinking people who are perfect stewards of the beautiful and rich land with which they’ve been entrusted, by family and fate. 

So if it will make you feel better, make your stereotypes about the US South:  A dusty land full of trailers with fridges full of boxed wine and living rooms adorned with plastic birds that look like they’re taking a dump.   While you’re at it, ask yourself this:  What does what you say about others say about YOU?

~ A proud Southerner.  And yes, I talk funny.

Richlands High School Blue Tornado Football Field

The site of my first job, WRIC Radio (AM 540 on your radio dial!)

The ultimate southern mother.  She didn’t believe in paddling.  “Not enough sting” she says.

Several styles and colors, and I’m still adding more!  CLICK HERE to see them!

In light of what appears to be StaR WarS, a battle of post significance based on feedback, I thought it would be a good idea to show any newbies each feedback level, and the amount of creedence that should be given to each group. I hope this helps!

Oh puhleeeze! Does not even belong here. Should not speak unless spoken to. Please see “I told you so” thread (I, II, or III)

Paragraphs and caps are clear signs of opposable thumbs and pinky fingers. If they speak (often more like a grunt), just smile and nod.

Been here just long enough to think they know everything. Posts often met with rolling eyes, both openly expressed and silent.

Pathetic, really. Obviously not REAL sellers, but inexhorably attached to eBay’s mother tail. Unspoken distinction between Green Stars as “High Greens” and “Low Greens”. Both are equally worthless.

Obviously a seller of 99-cent items or a feedback farmer. Avoid their advice at all costs.

Only advice given is “VOLUME VOLUME VOLUME”. Suspected that judgement is sometimes clouded by dome living. It is suspected that the absence of corners to sit and think in may be partially to blame.

Sometimes has viable advice, but too busy to post it.

Larry.

Here are the links to the products featured this week:

Garmin Nuvi GPS units.
iDog Dance (Black or White)
Philips AJL308 Digital Photo Frame Alarm Clock Radio
JVC MG-230 Hard Disk Camcorder

New items featured in my weekly video:

Timex Ironman iControl Workout Watch for iPod.

Ed Hardy Faceplates for iPhone 3G/3GS and some Blackberry models.

Philips DVD Player with iPod / iPhone dock.

In just under a month, Kitty will be 10 years old. I got her when she was about 7 weeks old. I could hold her in one hand. Before long, she was holding me in one hand. She’s more of a people person than a dog. She does act like a dog in many ways. She plays and sometimes spars with her two Jack Russell Terrier sisters. She eats from a bowl, just like her sisters, and yes, she eats the same thing as them, dog food. She loves ziti, tomatoes, and carrots, but she gets very little of any of those. Every night after dinner, Kitty, Sally, and Lilly get chewies as a treat. Sally and Lilly scramble to their designated chewing areas, and have at it right away. Kitty takes hers to her spot and barks at her chewy for about five minutes before she starts chewing. I don’t know what she’s saying to the chewy. I don’t know what the chewy is saying to her. But you can count on this conversation taking place every night.

When Kitty is frolicking in the yard or especially on the driveway, she reminds me of Jack Nicholson in that move As Good As It Gets. When she runs up to a crack or an edge on the driveway, she jumps WAY over it, to make sure that she does not step on it. I don’t know why. She’s done it since she was a puppy.

One may look at Kitty and assume that her most valuable characteristic is her sparkly purple toenails, but its really not. Kitty has actually been one of the great teachers in my life. When she was a puppy, she came to work with me every day. There was a BIG man named Howard who came to our office to pick up out of date snacks for a shelter, where he also stayed. Kitty just adored Howard, and it was mutual. One day, Kitty was following him too closely and Howard made a surprise step, right on her front paw. I have never heard a dog yelp that loud! Howard felt so bad that he sat in a chair and cried. Kitty jumped on his lap and began licking the tears off of Howard’s face, her tail running like an eggbeater the whole time.

Kitty didn’t seem to care that Howard was living in a shelter. Or that he didn’t have any money. Or that he didn’t have a car. She could sniff right past all those outside things and love that man’s heart and soul.

Kitty’s lesson to me has been the same thing for the last ten years. Love everyone. She can be a little nervous around children, because one of the neighbor kids thought she was a carnival ride. And sometimes she’s a little shy around crowds. But she loves everyone. She loved Howard who has since passed. She thought that the guy that shut off my water one time was the bees knees. I said “This affects your bowl too!” but she didn’t care.

For ten years, Kitty has practiced what I’ve preached: Love everyone.

Once upon a time, in a land north of Missouri, and a land south of Minnesota, there was a Village named Vail.  It was a fertile land.  Very fertile.  Like really really COMPOSTY kind of fertile.  In that land was a Sourpeller.  The Sourpeller sold fruits of the fertile land.   

The Sourpeller  in the Village named Vail befriended another Sourpeller.  This Sourpeller sold EMD’s, which stands for Electronic Magical Devices.  The Sourpeller from the Village named Vail did not mind that the EMD Sourpeller was an overweight redneck or that he craved attention.    She said “Sourpeller of Electronic Magical Devices, I can’t help but like you!”

Both Sourpellers talked of many things, and shared their stories.  Their lives, their hopes.  They actually became fairly close, you could say!  Other Sourpellers sometimes called them names, but they did not care.  They defended each other.  That is what friends do!

One day, the EMD Sourpeller discovered something troubling.  The Sourpeller of fruits of the land took pictures of her wares, had prints made from her film camera, and then scanned them into her computing device, so that she could display them on an internet rest stop called Echo Bay.  Tedius?  Yes?  Necessary?  Yes, if you sell wares on Echo Bay, for but one image on Echo Bay is worth approximately one thousand words!

The EMD Sourpeller was saddened because his good friend, the Sourpeller of the fruits of the land, had a tedius process to move her wares to Echo Bay.  He acquired a device that would magically capture those pictures in a moment not a day and a drive, and accurately render them to Echo Bay within a few clicks.  The Sourpeller of the fruits of the land was pleased.  For the EMD Sourpeller had also included a card that would store THOUSANDS of renderings.

In gratitude to the EMD Sourpeller, the Sourpeller of fruits of the land sent him many treats from her garden.  Their friendship grew like lemon verbena on a nitrogen rush.

One day, another Sourpeller of restrictive devices purchased a device from the EMD Sourpeller for the sole purpose of leaving a bad review of the EMD Sourpeller on Echo Bay.  The Sourpeller of restrictive devices considered the EMD Sourpeller an Echo Bay “Leader of Cheer”.    So he purchased a device for twisting metal anchors into wood, steel, etc.  It is a device that some call a “Screwdriver”.  It was the lowest-cost item in the EMD Sourpeller’s shop.

The EMD Sourpeller was upset.  For he knew that Echo Bay was a land of satisfied buyers.  They quickly shun all who make their buyers frown.  The Sourpeller of restrictive devices purposely and falsely shunned the EMD Sourpeller,  so that he would lose esteem in the eyes of the Echo Bay Chamber of Commerce.

Many neighborhood Sourpellers had befriended the EMD Sourpeller, too.  And upon learning of the bad review that Echo Bay calls a “negative”, these friends sprang into action!  They purchased items from the EMD Sourpeller and immediately left good reviews, or “positives”.  The Sourpeller of fruits of the land also bought a “screwdriver”, the least expensive offering of he EMD Sourpeller.  She also left one of these “positives” for her friend.  “Thank you!” said the EMD Sourpeller.  The Sourpeller of fruits of the land said “You’re welcome!  My daughter will find this screwdriver handy.”

The EMD Sourpeller is bright and wise of the ways of the tides of Echo Bay.  But when the day came to send this “screwdriver” to his friend, he made an unfortunate discovery:  He had sold more screwdrivers than he actually possessed!    He could not fulfill the purchase made by the Sourpeller of fruits of the land!  His friend! His moral helper.

The EMD fretted and worried.   After a long time of consternation, he had an idea. 

(It must be said now that the governers of Echo Bay held a large gathering in the land west of Indiana and east of Iowa and Missouri.  Attendees clamoured for little pins that were distributed periodically, intermittently, randomly.  The EMD Sourpeller attended this event.  He had collected ALL of these pins.  He was proud of his collection, and enjoyed looking at it.)

The EMD Sourpeller, contrite, and regretful of the fact that he “oversold” his screwdrivers, sent his set of Echo Bay pins to the Sourpeller of fruits of the land.  “If I give her what cannot be replaced, she will know that I am sorry for my error”, he thought.

The Sourpeller of fruits of the land did not express her displeasure.  However, she was displeased.  The yearning in her heart for a convenient yet inexpensive screwdriver welled in her heart.  She became bitter.  And vile.

She swore to hate the Sourpeller of Elecronic Magical Devices.   She decided to try to make others hate him, too.  When strategies of truth and accuracy failed her, she said ANY WORDS in an attempt to make the EMD Sourpeller suffer for his clerical error.  Her rage flourished within her head.  She did not make the EMD Sourpeller aware.

He wondered, fruitlessly for months.   Even today, he pauses, closes his eyes, smiles in amused frustration, and then thinks about something else…